Learning to forgive

For many, many, many years, I abused my body with alcohol.

I spent several nights a week drinking until I blacked up or vomited, just to wake up and do it all over again.

I work every day at forgiving myself for the harm that I did to my body. I have shifted to living a healthy lifestyle to help repair all the damage I did. In 1.5 years, I have managed to regain my health. I am no longer sick all the time and my bloodwork is back to normal. Where I struggle now is with all the money that I wasted on booze.

Some days I wish I never would have done the math, but when my best friend and I got sober she said, "Can you believe I spent X amount of dollars on alcohol at 1 bar last year!?"

I was intrigued.

I wanted to see how much I was spending too. The number is astronomical. In my lifetime of binge drinking, I have easily spent $80,000. This doesn't include Uber rides and shit food that you go to at 3am.

I have to work on forgiving myself daily. I think I struggle with this because now that I am sober there are so many possibilites I see for my life. Things like traveling, having a home with a home gym, being able to buy things comfortably, etc. I see those things but then I lack financial stability so I beat myself up.

That ends today.

I am done living in the past. I am done with regret. Beating myself up over money spent isn't going to bring it back and it most definitely is not going to help me heal.

It is time to start living in today and loving the life I am creating now through sobriety. It is time to start acknowledging how much good I have in my life now that I have put down the bottle, and how rich I truly am, even if that isn't money in the bank.

I hope while reading this, you forgive yourself too. No matter what you are struggling with, forgive yourself and move on. You deserve all the peace and happiness this life has to offer and you aren't going to lift yourself up if you are always dragging yourself down with regret and shame.

Keep shining. Keep living in the now. At the end of the day, now is all we truly have.