Rumple Minze is not Christmas in your mouth

As I write this post, the thought of taking a shot of this liquor literally makes me nauseous.

For years though, this was the laughing joke. I had myself convinced this shit tasted good. Like peppermint. Like Christmas in your mouth.

It is not. It is poison. At about shot 4-5, I would black out every time.

I would vomit every time.

I would get angry, mad, or sad and say things I didn't mean. Every single time. Then, the night would normally end in either crying, vomiting, but usually both.

Yet, I still continued to drink it. As a previous binge drinker, in my world, there was no such thing as one drink. This is how I realized I had a problem. I could never have just one. Glass of wine? Give me the bottle. Pitcher of sangria? I'll take all 4 glasses please. 12 pack on the beach? I'd finish them all.

So the night that I took about 10 shots of Rumple Minze, it was so much more than a blackout. It was alcohol poisoning. I woke up the next morning with the worst headache of my life. I had burst blood vessels on my cheeks from vomiting so hard. I was still nauseous and trying to cure myself with copious amounts of Sprite and Gatorade, just praying I could keep it down.

Here is where the shame set in. At around 3am, I was stumbling around the pool deck. My body needed to rid the poison so bad that I couldn't even make it to the fence. I puked everywhere. In the morning, when I walked onto the balcony to see the kind owner of the hotel cleaning up 5 piles of my vomit, I was ashamed. The worst part; I didn't even go to help her.

Here is what I will tell you. Almost 2 years into my sobriety journey, I still have to work on forgiving myself. My addiction led me to do and say things that are way out of my character. Things I could never even imagine doing now. Alcohol changes you. Rarely, for the better.

So in closing, I am going to make this my apology letter to that hotel owner. I am sorry for making you go through that and I am sorry I didn't come to help you clean up my mess. At the time, I was selfish and lost and all I cared about was myself. I hope you'll know I have found a way to be kind to myself and treat my body so much better than I did that night. I hope you'll forgive me as I continue to forgive myself.