That one life changing word

I'm going to take some time to tell you about Dr. Kalidas.

When I first scheduled my appointment to see him, all I knew was that he was a holistic doctor and that he had helped a patient that I had taken care of. That's it.

My first visit consisted of the typical doctors office routine. Check in. Sit. Questionnaire? I knew from the second I started the paperwork that this doctor was going to be different. There were at least 7 pages, not only asking about my medical history, but about my lifestyle. He wanted to know about my life. How I ate, how much I drank, if I smoked or did drugs. Things that are relevant to your overall health that no other doctor had asked me about.

When it got to the question about drinking, I lied. I was embarrassed. I worried what he would think if I answered honestly. I circled the area that said I had 3-6 drinks per week. To understand how much I truly drank, you should know that I typically had that in 1-2 hours. So if we do the math right, I was having about 36 per week on the low end. If you do that times 12 years, well you get the picture.

The first visit consisted of him getting to know me. He needed to understand my lifestyle to in order to help me, and he also had to do a plethora of tests. I had bloodwork done. I had nasal swabs done. I opted out of the allergy testing due to the cost. I think it is important for you to know that I could not afford this doctor. I went there knowing I was putting this on the credit card, but I didn't care. I was desperate. He prescribed me some vitamins and minerals to start taking and recommended that I try incorporating better eating habits and exercising into my life.

I didn't do any of those things.

The following week, I had another appointment to review my test results. I was a little nervous on what he was going to find. Turns out, I was very sick. I was low in Vitamin C, D, and B12. My hormone levels were low. I was anemic. My thyroid levels were off. I had an extremely resistant sinus infection due to a compromised immune system.

As he went page by page about how ill I really was, my palms were sweating, and I began to cry. I was already depressed and now he was laying this on me. I sobbed. Through the tears I said, "I am so sick and tired of being sick. It is so depressing. Isn't there something you can prescribe me for this depression?" Dr. Kalidas looked at me and said, "Anndrea, you are the reason that you are sick. For your height, you are 40 pounds overweight, you don't eat well, or exercise, and you drink too much. Let me break this down for you. If you have one drink on occasion, fine. If you have two drinks at any sitting, you are borderline. If you have three drinks in a sitting, you are poisoning yourself. I would like you to try and start really taking care of yourself. Eat well and exercise and cut back on your drinking. If you still feel this way in a few weeks, I will see about getting you on some medication."

POISON.

There it was. I was poisoning myself. Wait, you're saying that I am the reason I am sick? His words hit me in the gut like a fist. As I continued to cry, it was in this moment that I realized that if I was the reason I was sick, then I could be the reason I would get better. I love my life. I don't want to poison myself and make myself sick unnecessarily. He handed me some tissues and I nodded. That was the last time I saw him, and aside from my bout with Covid, that was the last time I was sick.

This doctor visit was over 2 years ago. It took me 8 months from that day to get fully sober. If you're reading this and you want to get sober too, this is how I started. My first step was to eliminate liquor. If I was going to drink, it was beer and wine only. The two years leading up to this point I had found a love for line dancing, but it was in a bar. This was a challenge for me.

When I went line dancing, it went down to 1-2 days per week. When I was there, I limited myself to only 2-3 beers. Each month that passed got a little easier and I drank a little less. My last night of drinking was at a holiday party in Atlanta on January 11, 2020. It was a formal event and it was going to be a large party. Remember what I told you before about me being an empath and having severe social anxiety? It was times like these that I felt I needed to drink, and that night I did.

It started with one glass of wine. Then two. Then three. Before I knew it, I lost count. Everyone around me was drinking too, which did not help. I wouldn't say I got drunk. I did, however, get that warm, red cheeked fuzzy feeling; I believe people call it a buzz. The next day I woke up with a headache from hell. I was nauseous. I didn't feel like working out which I had been doing pretty consistently, almost daily, at home.

It was this day that I decided, enough was enough. I am in control. I don't have to feel this way if I could just stop drinking. I needed desperately to stop poisoning myself and treat my body like the temple it was.

Sobriety is one of my most proud achievements, but it did not come easy, and it is still something that I have to work on daily. It takes a lot of personal development and brain work to get to the root cause of why you drink. I drank because I have severe social anxiety and do not like large crowds. So now, I avoid them. I avoid situations that might trigger me. And if I do get triggered, I remove myself and do some deep breathing.

Always remember, you are in control. You can make the choice to drink, and you can also make the choice to stop. You don't know how good you can feel without alcohol until you try. You need to know that no matter what area in your life you are trying to change, you will probably not only need to change your environment, but the people you surround yourself with as well. Just know, if you change your mind, you can change your life.